I was ready to give up

Scohen Sandra cohen
2 min readJan 9, 2020


Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

I’m 81 years old and falling apart. My friends of similar age say”if nothing hurts, you’re dead. “ That’s not necessarily true, but close. I have an aunt that is 102 and going strong. She is blind and deaf but in good health. Anyway, back to me.

I am a healthy woman named Sandy. I have three daughters and five grandchildren. Life had been good to me until my health became a problem. First it was my eyes. I have macular degeneration. That means I could lose my vision one of these days. I go to the eye doctor every three months for an eye injection. I also have spinal stenosis . I had back surgery, but it failed. I now have trouble getting around..

Lastly, my 19 year old granddaughter passed away. She was a wonderful, brilliant young lady. Our lives will never be the same.

Yes, I was ready to give up. I read heaven is a better place. I could visit my husband, my father, and some cousins I lost. My granddaughter also says (through a medium ) that she is happy in heaven.

My aunt, who is 102 years old is not happy. She lives in a nursing home and is lonely and sad. I visit her three times a week, but she is miserable.

My girlfriends are an unhappy bunch . They don’t cook anymore. They only use paper plates. They need cleaning people. They too have trouble getting around. And like me, they go to the doctor twice a week.

So heaven is starting to sound better every day. I won’t have to worry about my health, about shopping for food or paying bills.

But, here is the big “but”. I was riding on the county bus, going to the doctor(of course). The bus was full of young people, teenagers. I barely gave them a look. We pulled into a parking lot for a large building. My driver started unloading his passengers. They were all in wheelchairs. They were all disabled. I looked around . There were several other buses also unloading disabled teenagers. It was a very sad sight . No one spoke or joked. All quiet. I thought about this scene all day.

These poor kids are going every day to a facility that cares for them. They can’t do what most teens do. No parties, no college, no quality of life. I’m so sad for them and their families. So I ask myself, how can I complain? I have children, friends, a life! I can’t give up.
I am not ready for heaven. My children and grandchildren need me. I will tough this out and get on with my life.