HOW TO TRAIN YOUR BEST FRIEND

socaring, so loving. He is 80 years old. He lives nearby. We go to brunch and dinner a lot. He always brings me flowers or cookies or wine. So you get my message. A really nice guy.

There is really one small problem. Wait, make that 2 small problems. Wait, make that three small problems.. oi vey . There are 4 small problems. I’m sure he can find many problems about me but I have the advantage now. I can write my story but he is not computer literate.

So, first small problem: he likes to make his own sleeping rules. He can go to sleep at 4am and sleep till 12:30 or 1:00. I’m retired he says. Fine I say but here is the problem. I get up at 6:30 or 7:am. I eat breakfast at 7:30 or 8. I can’t wait for your phone call at 12:30pm that you just got up and give you an hour to go to brunch. So he is always late because he is slow as molasses. I am ready to eat the wallpaper . If he picks me up at 1: we get to the restaurant at 1:30. Now you must know that whenever he gets up it has to be breakfast. Here in Florida most breakfast places close at 2pm. And because of COVID we want to eat outside.

So i told him 2 days ago that i can’t have brunch with you anymore. We can go to dinner but you are not understanding my issues. You are now a couple and you have to consider me.

A day later he called me at 12:55pm and asked me to go to brunch with him. Like we never had the conversation. I made dinner last night . At 2pm he asked me what’s for dinner. I told him franks and beans. He said”I just had that the other day”. “Sorry, I didn’t Know” . Now at 5:30pm he calls and asks if he can bring pizza. So he says he will be over at 7. Great I say. He calls me at 6:50pm and says he just got out of the shower

Now remember, he is never on time and the name of this article is

“How to train your best friend”

I shut the oven at 7pm. We sat down to eat at 7:25pm. He told me the potatoes were cold. Sorry i said.I shut the oven at 7.

Please keep in mind that he is a lovely man. But…he is a crappy driver. He drives to fast passing everyone on the road. He says he used to teach driving. Oh really. What should be the distance between two cars going 50mph. And ..I say your going down the street the wrong way. I don’t want to die. “Too much traffic on the other side”. I always scream when I’m in the car with him.

Problem number 3. Deleted

Problem number four I can’t share. My grandchildren might be reading this.

Sandy Cohen